virginity

My mother never found her soulmate. Instead, she found my father via the newspaper. The section was called “Eligible Bachelors, With Bachelor Degrees.”

I want my music to act like my neighborhood’s little library tucked between trees — a space where people come to inhale and exhale sorrow and glee.

With every notch on my metaphorical bedpost, I waited for the sensations to be normal, for the hands on my body to feel pleasant instead of exploitative.

Soon enough, I fell into the never ending cycle of swiping, chatting and unmatching because I was addicted to words of affection from 24-year-old men that knew absolutely nothing about me. 

Even though my first time may not have been the pure ecstasy I wanted, it confirmed what I held in my mind to be true: You can be a virgin and still have kinks.

Four months or so after the phone fucking began, we got a chance to see each other. She came to Southern California, and we left for the lower mountains.

Your first time doesn’t have to be special. It doesn't have to be worthy of the silver screen. At this point, there are even movies about how your first time won’t be like a movie.

For the most part, we probably all want to have sex that feels meaningful rather than quick or empty, and having sex you’re emotionally invested in makes for a better experience on many levels.

I hope that I can experience sex. I want to. But I’m also trying to be kind to myself and my body and to accept it as it is.

Choosing to disclose virginity status is a very personal decision, and it frustrates me when people try to make it for me. As a virgin, it’s up to me to decide when, how and why I do or don’t want to disclose to a partner.