virgin

Sociocultural ideologies have affected my understanding and approach to not just my sexuality, but to women in general.

This wouldn't be the last time I haphazardly gave my body to somebody whose name I didn’t know. Desperately, I wanted to feel desired.

Even though my first time may not have been the pure ecstasy I wanted, it confirmed what I held in my mind to be true: You can be a virgin and still have kinks.

By having sex, I’ve tried to sever ties with the culture that equated my worth to my unpierced hymen and has so blatantly taught me, along with other Armenian women, that our virginity is the sole source of our value. Although in the eyes of many people in my community, I am impure for having premarital sex, I am at peace knowing that I had sex on my own terms.

In the past, they suffered from the pressure to keep virginity. Nowadays, pressure comes from both sides — we’re expected to both keep and get rid of virginity.

I finally feel ready to have sex — but my body won’t cooperate. It’s incredibly frustrating to be unable to make this decision for myself.