penis

I spent a large portion of my youth with a pretty severe penis envy: I was obsessed with the idea that having a dick would make life so much easier, not to mention way more fun. I wanted to piss on shit with no regard for authority, to whip out my wang in the middle of a middle-school assembly like the psychotic kids I looked up to — I wanted to brag about my big balls in the locker room and woo the ladies with low-resolution dick pics from my Motorola RAZR.

“So, lesbian sex ... how does it work?” It’s a question I’ve encountered more than once. In fact, if I got laid every time someone inquired as to how it is I get laid, I’d be on par with Shane McCutcheon.