identity

Looking from the outside in, one may not see past the dramatic eye makeup, chunky choker and all black attire to the person underneath.

It is your job to educate yourself and others about the harm of any hate speech perpetuated against any faith. Instead of serving as a bystander to antisemitism to the point where neo-Nazis are openly saluting Hitler on the 405, try reflecting on what got us to this point. 

“Am I saying your name correctly?”

My identity felt fluid and contextual. Depending on where I was or who I was with, a different aspect of my identity would come forward. When people ask about my name, Aviva, I am Jewish. When people ask about my parents, I am Indian and white. When people ask where I’m from, I say San Francisco.

Before coming to Berkeley , I had kissed more girls than guys, and if we’re being honest, that ratio hasn’t changed much since. Kissing your friends is normal, or so 17-year-old me thought. Kisses are silly and meaningless, which has allowed my closeted self to kiss basically every single girl I’m close to, from dorm friends to sorority sisters. 

Still, the journey to joy is riddled with obstacles and illusions. Happiness is subjective to time, identity and experience. Though my current perception of happiness will surely change in the future, I know there will forever remain sources I cannot outgrow.

I loved the feeling of it — having things to hide, having invisible strings to pull, the light-hearted manipulation of misdirection.

After that first rejection, I began seeing another therapist, my time in her office and billable hours lasting longer. At this point, I was 13 and suffering from severe anxiety.

Still, despite these positive aspects of labels, they can lead to limitations, enforce stereotypes and create difficulties when coming out to loved ones. 

As a 14-year-old female to male, or FTM, transgender teen, gender has taken on a necessary role in my everyday self-expression and identity.