growing up

차마. Endure. Concede. That’s the word she would’ve used. I stab the piece of meat on my plate, watching the blood flow out as I do exactly what she wants. I stay quiet.

“It gets easier” — and I truly hope it does. I understand everything has its process, but dealing with a difficult reality is an unavoidable part of the human experience that sometimes feels far from humanizing.

Her friends’ kind gesture brought her spirit back to life.

I think to be the eldest sibling is to take on this burden that is complicated, confusing and overwhelming, a burden that we would volunteer to endure again if it was somehow our choice. I would choose to be the one to care and love my brother in any universe.

He would’ve done anything to see her healthy again, and he did do everything.

Home decor is my last defense against the real world and whatever a 401K is, so I will spend as long as I can collecting my bric-a-brac that sparks a very specific kind of joy. 

The little girl wondered to herself if it was worth it. Was all this pain and labor worth the trouble for a year or two of romance?

If summer no longer means rest and it no longer means life, then what? What is its gift?

But as this column has demonstrated, picture books are not the only thing from our childhoods that stick with us; there are so many little things that do as well.

Life thus far is definitely not what my past self expected, both in good ways and bad. Although I’m sad I’m turning the last page to the 20th chapter of my life, I can’t wait to see what this new chapter has in store for me.