Hello LinkedIn community,

I am absolutely wrecked to announce the end of my years as a UC Berkeley undergraduate. There are absolutely no thank you’s at all to the hands of time for continuously ticking away. 

I am not looking forward to leaving behind the beautiful city of Berkeley — so I won’t. With the most modest sincerity, my grand work and gargantuan impact on the school are not over. I pat myself on the back for flouncing through life, as I am more powerful than time itself. 

I am actually going to stay in Berkeley and live in Wheeler Hall (in the Maude Fife Room). I am pleased to announce that I will write another 40 theses for the English department. My intellectual hunger is only satiated by feedback that highlights 40 paragraphs of text and comments a single question mark. It’s so wonderful how I know how to mind-read (à la Edward Cullen) and can automatically understand that you actually mean I should deconstruct the omnipotent ontologies of temporal experiences. One day, I will collect enough honor cords to crochet a blanket to keep me warm through the chilly Bay Area winters ahead (cheering you on, climate change).

In the meantime, I will be knocking at every GSI’s door in hopes of convincing them that they have deeply improved my writing skills. I love reenacting a literary rags-to-riches story as I look down upon my first draft, kneeling to kiss the feet of GSIs for helping me remove a comma. I am so excited to inflate your superiority complexes. 

I’m so thankful I get to put my overthinking, anxious and paranoid mind to good use. I can walk away with a degree in hand and an understanding that “Frankenstein” actually invented literary criticism. Oh, and one day, when I am robbed at gunpoint and asked to recite the first 14 lines of “The Canterbury Tales,” I’ll be able to continue on because of you, English degree. 

I look forward to a continuation of my reign as a sorority president because I actually thrive off of stress and mental exhaustion. I can’t wait to run an in-house daycare for 160 girly pops while being a landlord, a human resources representative and a personal financial advisor all in one, all over again. I am so looking forward to perpetuating the use of the word “sister” for eternity. I am currently drafting my next 170 weekly reminders on Slack detailing each day’s activities, addressing them by different variations of the Greek letters squished into the words besties, bros, buddies and girlies. This is my dream — and I am living it.

I am ecstatic to continue reporting for The Daily Californian, where I will be writing seven more long-term articles on Berkeley’s small businesses. I can’t wait for more business owners to accuse me of being a government spy. I look forward to not attending socials with the rootin’ tootin’ band of intelligent ragtag reporters and editors. Instead, I intend to sit quietly at home remembering that I was rejected twice before getting accepted into the news department. I can hardly wait to apply to every department again just to feel the beautiful sting of rejection over and over again. 

I am over the moon to be re-inducted into the honors society, where I will continue to swelter in the heat of the chancellor’s lavish mansion and garden. I’m thrilled to know she doesn’t live in an ornate house. It’s a beautiful metaphor: You put the thing that houses people on the campus but don’t give it the power to house anyone. I am invigorated by the prospect that I could be the first person to play one of the three pianos in your “home.” 

Most of all, my heart beats fast for the brown bear who prowls campus, his yellow sweater making my dreams come true. I love how he doesn’t speak. His silence moves me. He says so much, yet so little. Oh, my dear Oski, maybe in a hundred years, you won’t be “fully booked” for graduation photos. Even if we can’t get the grad pics, I will look forward to cherishing our wedding album.

You might be thinking, “Wow! What a great UC Berkeley student. She is so dedicated to the school. I wonder why she isn’t going into the real world though?”

You see, I could be going to another city, like New York. I could be doing a graduate program, but I wouldn’t do that because I intend to stay and relive my glory days here at Berkeley. Forever. 

Today and always, I raise a glass to the next million years of avoiding stepping on the campus seals and waiting an hour to get into Raleigh’s Pub on taco Tuesdays just to end up at Kip’s Bar and Grill awkwardly dancing and trying to breathe through the aggressive smoke machine.

Go Bears!

Dina Katgara was the 2020-2021 lead business and economy news reporter. She joined The Daily Californian in spring 2020 as a news staffer and joined the investigations team in spring 2022. She is graduating with a bachelor’s degree in English with a minor in journalism. She is continuing her studies this fall at Columbia University’s School of Journalism.