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Red flags in a girl’s apartment

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APRIL 18, 2023

Didn’t I say I’d write a gender role-reversed version of this series? The time has come to bash the ladies, me included. Gender equality, am I right? Here are the things that are “red flags” in a girl’s apartment in case you need the heads-up. Men, take notes.

“Oh wow… your stuffed animal collection is definitely impressive.”

Stuffed animals are cute — who doesn’t like them? It’s not like it’s unheard of to see a few cuddly friends sitting on the bed. So when should you call it a red flag? Let’s take a page out of Toy Story and imagine these plushies coming to life. If there’s enough of them to form an army against you, start making your excuses to leave. 

“Did someone ransack her closet?”

If you can’t tell where the bedroom floor begins upon entering her room, run now. Strewn clothes on the floor are a bright red flag, one you shouldn’t ignore. Almost any girl is guilty of throwing clothes around when trying to figure out what to wear, but the important thing is remembering to clean up after yourself. If she can’t do that with her clothes, what does that say about her life? 

“Is that a crystal under my pillow?”

At this point, you’re screwed. If you wake up one morning and feel something under your pillow only to find a crystal, best of luck, dude. You’re done for.

“That’s odd, the toilet seat is up.”

Odd, more like alarmingly suspicious. Chances are, you’re not the only guy being invited over into her apartment. Can it get worse? If you see an old spice deodorant in the medicine cabinet just make your exit.

“Maybe Target was having a knick-knack sale?”

If knick knacks cover every flat surface in her place, she’s trying to fill a void. 

“Your favorite genre is romance, right?”

If her entire bookcase is filled with a variety of romance novels, chances are she’s one of those hopeless romantics. Yes, I’m speaking from personal experience. She’s gonna have unrealistic high standards, leave now.

“I can feel their eyes on me.”

If her favorite artists cover every wall of her bedroom, get out of there! Whether it’s the Harry Styles poster or the BTS one, she’s choosing them over you any day of the week. 

Sorry, ladies! It was only fair. Guys, you now know what to look out for when wandering into a girl’s place for the first time. Good luck soldier! 

Contact Heidy Paniagua at 


APRIL 18, 2023