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BERKELEY'S NEWS • JANUARY 17, 2023

Year! Review! Read our 2022 Year in Retrospect Issue!

Thanksgiving dinner comebacks for those annoying questions

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JULIA BRAVO | CREATIVE COMMONS

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NOVEMBER 16, 2022

Thanksgiving dinner entails more than just food… it means being grilled by your family and other close relatives, which can get annoying really quickly. Picture this: You’re happy to finally be at home for the break. You purposefully chose a seat next to your brother so you could both scroll through TikTok together and avoid conversing with the elders. The plan is simple — feast on all the dishes in front of you. That is, until wandering eyes pick you out as a target and the rapid-fire questions (borderline disses) begin. Here are some of the Clog’s favorite comebacks to keep your relatives in check. 

“Todavía no tienes novio?” / “You still don’t have a boyfriend?”

The age old dating question. Most likely asked by your prying Tía Rosie, who loves to follow it up by mentioning how you never ever go out, which must be because you’re scared of love. She likes to ask this every year, thinking it’s a good conversation starter when in reality it only makes you feel worse about your nonexistent dating life. My answer — “How’s your third husband?” Burn.

“Did you gain a little weight? If you keep eating like that you’ll gain more.”

Usually followed by a quick examination of your plate, this question is flat-out rude. Not only does your self-esteem take a nosedive, you suddenly feel self conscious about enjoying your food. I refuse to let you feel bad about eating your second slice of apple pie! Instead give a little side-eye yourself and top it off by saying, “I see you speak from experience.” Girl, bye!

“Your mom told me you failed your midterm. Ponte Las Pilas (get to work).”

Dammit. Just as the mashed potatoes were melting on the tongue. The urge to roll your eyes feels like an itch you can’t help but want to scratch. Not only does it feel like all your hard work is being undermined, but you feel even more irritated seeing from who it’s coming from. It’s probably the cousin who said going to college was “overrated.” Your reply, “Didn’t you drop out?” Oop—

“You changed your major again? What is it with you not knowing what you want to do?”

If smoke could come out of your nose, it probably would have already. Uncle Ben loves acting like he’s got his life all put together after his promotion to head bank manager. Who the hell is he to say you can’t change your mind when it comes to your future career path? Say something along the lines of, “How are the women you’re seeing? Last I heard you kept changing your mind about which one you want more.” Jaws dropped. 

The Clog hopes this Thanksgiving dinner passes by a lot more smoothly than the year’s past. With these comebacks, the family will know who not to question unless they want to get roasted. Hopefully Christmas is a lot less eventful! 

Contact Heidy Paniagua at 

LAST UPDATED

NOVEMBER 17, 2022