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Spiciness of dining hall water complemented nicely by sourness of rice

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OCTOBER 25, 2022

Sitting over a nest of plates on the outskirts of the Foothill dining hall, junior Anne Anton reported a “pleasant surprise” earlier tonight at the balance of flavors that could be found in the fountain water served there.

“I try not to expect anything from college dining hall food,” Anton said, who reportedly went with a friend. “So imagine my surprise when the spiciness of the water happened to combine with the rice to produce this rich and dynamic flavor profile!” 

Bystanders reported that Anton sat down with an extensive dinner, including but not limited to rice, broccolini and a standard cup of water from the soda fountain.

“Honestly, I’m more used to drinking water with just about no flavor at all,” Anton said, admitting that she had yet to encounter water with such a strong personality outside of the confines of the Foothill dining hall and that she guessed she just needed to widen her worldview.

Anton did, however, note that the root beer in the Foothill was often nearly indistinguishable from water and could be used as a convincing substitute.

“Putting that aside, it just happened that the slight spiciness of Foothill tap water is perfect for the particular type of sourness that the rice has tonight,” Anton said, adding that the meatloaf’s slightly pasty texture evoked the serenity of the grassy fields its constituent cows grazed on.

“It’s really all about the small things in life, you know? That little hint of smokiness in that water honestly ties this whole meal together. This reminds me of the time the mashed potatoes at Crossroads had this nice, fishy flavor to them, which worked really well with the slight squishiness of the chicken there. You’ve gotta appreciate when things work out like that.”

At press time, Anton was spotted taste testing the utensils provided by the dining hall.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Allen Chen at 


OCTOBER 25, 2022