It’s common knowledge that every time you go online, an FBI agent is watching your every move — yes, even if you use incognito mode. This constant surveillance results in an unparalleled bond formed between you and your FBI agent. It is a bond so strong that, in a way, your agent is a better friend than any of the friends you might have in real life. Here’s why:

They’re always there for you

No matter what, whenever you go online, they will be there too. In a strange way, that means your agent is always there for you. No matter what’s going on in your life or in theirs, they’ll be there for you when you open up that internet browser. That kind of loyalty and dependability is a great thing to have in a friend.

They will call you out if you do something bad

Friends aren’t supposed to just coddle you and protect your feelings. It takes a real best friend to call you out. Lucky for you, your FBI agent will do exactly that. If you’re engaging in illegal online activity, your FBI agent will definitely intervene. It might not be pretty, but your agent is just setting you back on the healthier, straight and narrow path, something that only a best friend would do for you.

They’ll do anything with you

Sometimes it’s difficult to match up schedules and hangout preferences with real-life friends. It’s far easier to align with your FBI agent. Not only are they always there for you, but they’ll also do whatever you want with you, except for anything illegal. That means you can binge-watch a show or go online shopping with them by your side. It’s that kind of companionship that shows your FBI agent is a real friend.

They’re watching over you

We all need someone watching over us — whether it is to keep ourselves from doing something bad or from something bad being done to us. The surveillance program of the FBI is just that. They may be mostly silent watchers, but just having them there is nice. It’s what a real best friend does.

Hopefully, now you have a greater appreciation for the FBI agent watching you through your webcam and analyzing your search history. Make sure to take time out of your day to appreciate this friend. I’m sure they’re even blushing while watching you read this article!

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.