It’s not anyone else’s place to tell you how festive you should be at any given time. If you are somebody who observes Christmas, for example, it’s perfectly OK if you feel that the celebration should start a month early, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. While you’re at it, you should also feel perfectly welcome to put up some snazzy decorations and get into the spirit of Christmas 2023 now.

Here at the Clog, we love a good head start. We’ve compiled a short list of reasons that might persuade you to start your celebrations several years in advance.

Get the stress of preparing out of the way early

Christmas can be a lot to deal with, especially if you go all-out for the holiday season. By stretching out the amount of time you have to decorate, you can make the process much more stress-free and easy. For example, you will no longer have to use genetic engineering to boost the growth of your Christmas tree. Instead, you can simply wait for it to grow naturally. Furthermore, once you’re finished preparing, you’ll have much more time to actually celebrate.

More festivities

Speaking of having more time to celebrate, it’s much easier to create a fun schedule over the course of several years than within a mere week or two. You can easily fit the holiday into a demanding school and work schedule. There’s also enough time to fit in all of the Christmas movies, songs, food and festivities that anyone could ever possibly want.

You have a higher chance of seeing Santa Claus

Yeah, we’re not really sure how this works, but extending Christmas by several years probably has some super trippy effects on Santa’s annual breaking and entering spree. You can play around with it, too: Put out cookies and milk on random days, or if you’re looking to really get wild, set up some cameras. We are entering uncharted territory here, so who knows what will happen.

You can stack up multiple Christmases

OK, get this. If you celebrate Christmas 2023 and Christmas 2024 now, you can double the Christmas. It doesn’t stop there. Throw in every Christmas of the next decade — maybe even a few Christmases even further down the line — and you might harness enough Christmas spirit to weaponize it or something. There’s still more: If you go ahead and start celebrating a few extra Halloweens and toss in a couple of New Year’s Eves, well, it’s really going to get interesting. This is just the beginning — you can do whatever you want now.

After all, the early celebration of Christmas is not just about celebrating more; it’s about transcending time itself. Here at the Clog, we’ve already looped back around and started celebrating past Christmases. Next time someone tells you a whole month is too early to start putting up decorations, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you’re actually several years early. There’s nothing wrong with that anyway.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.