As a lover of puns, dad jokes and all forms of cheap humor, I strongly believe in the high entertainment value that such low-stakes comedy brings to our lives. It’s witty and never fails to bring a smile to someone’s face, as begrudgingly as it sometimes (OK, often) does. With so much joy to be spread, it is vital that these jokes be shared with everyone — especially your fellow stressed-out Bears. And so, we at the Clog present your go-to guide of instant laughs, perfectly catered to some of the different majors you may encounter at UC Berkeley. 

Cognitive science

• What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street? It gives a brain wave. 
• What did the neuron say to the glia cell? Thanks for the support!
• What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor? You’re a real pain. 
• What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech? Thanks for the memories.
• What do you call a skull without 100 billion neurons? A no-brainer. 
• What did parietal say to frontal? I lobe you.
• What does a neuroscientist order at a bar? A spiked drink. 

Business/Haas

• I tried to start a hot air ballooning business but it never took off. 
• What sort of money do you need if you want to start your own landscaping business? A hedge fund. 
• I’ve started a business making boats in my attic. Sails are going through the roof. 
• When the CEO dropped a brownie on his calculator, he was accused of fudging the numbers. 
• The stock market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they’re smart. 
• Who is the best at minding their own business? An entrepreneur. 
• I just started a business in which we specialize in weighing tiny objects. It’s a small-scale operation. 

Computer science/EECS

• Why was the IT guy in the hospital? He touched the firewall. 
• Why do app developers have such high insurance rates? They’re always crashing.
• What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers? Tech knuckle support. 
• How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots. 
• What’s the best way to learn about computers? Bit by bit. 
• Why do programmers never run the air conditioner? They prefer to open windows. 
• Why did the man get so sad when his computer had a virus? It was a terminal illness. 

Biology 

• Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!
• What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
• I wish I was adenine, because then I could get paired with U. 
• What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
• How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis. 
• I made a DNA joke in biology class but no one laughed. Guess my thymine was off. 
• I think I’m failing my marine biology class. My grade is below C level. 

Chemistry

• Did you hear about how oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. 
• If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys. 
• Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble. 
• Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.
• Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
• I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon. 
• What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel. 

Economics

• What do you call an economist who sells fake paintings online? An e-con artist.
• Why is it so hard for economists to go gluten-free? Because their food preferences are very sticky. 
• Why was Noah a great economist? He kept his stock afloat while everything else was in liquidation. 
• How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the invisible hand does it for them. 
• What do plumbers, garbage men and economists all have in common? They all deal with gross domestic product. 

With this list to get you started, I encourage you to share as many jokes as you can with the people around you. Whether you’re in class, messaging friends or sitting in a silent breakout room, jokes are the perfect way to elevate and nurture your social interactions. And while our silly and (slightly) cringey jokes may trigger the occasional headshake and groan, I promise it’ll all be worth it. After all, who doesn’t love a good ol’ laugh? 

Lastly, while it would have been extremely impressive for me to have come up with all of these puns myself, I had help from the following sources:

Computer science puns: Thought Catalog

Business puns: LoveToKnow

Biology and chemistry puns: Business Insider

Economics puns: Upjoke