Thinking back upon the wonderful times that I read the “Harry Potter” series, I randomly had a realization that sunglasses were never mentioned. Maybe witches and wizards don’t need UV protection because they have magical powers and all, but this seems like a major plot hole to me. What if the sun bounces off the Snitch during a game of Quidditch, creating a glare that accidentally blinds Harry, causing the Gryffindors to lose the game? Am I the only one who thinks Harry seems like the type of guy who would proudly sport transition lenses?
If the “Harry Potter” characters did wear sunglasses, their Hogwarts houses would definitely influence the styles they choose. Here’s what style members of each house would wear.
Gryffindor: Plastic wayfarers
Ray-Bans might be what comes to mind when thinking of this classic shape, but most Gryffindors prefer a neon orange plastic pair they got seven years ago in a goody bag from their cousin’s bar mitzvah. These sunglasses look good on literally no one. Thus, they end up being so unfashionable that nobody can tell if you’re wearing them ironically or not. Only Gryffindors are brave enough to wear these in public, and one in every five Gryffindors can pull them off. But Gryffindors never really care about how they look anyway, right? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over J.K. Rowling mentioning Hermione’s bushy hair again.
When I see someone in aviators, I know they mean business. I will inevitably end up trusting someone’s authority more just because they are wearing these sunglasses. People who wear aviators tend to hang out with other people who wear aviators and enjoy mentioning how much they paid for them. Slytherins wear this style because they think it makes them appear more dominant. During potions class, the Slytherins always try to get away with using their aviators as safety goggles.
Ravenclaw: Round sunglasses
I know, I know, Harry’s glasses were round and he was a Gryffindor! But hear me out. Round glasses give off the vibe that you’re well acquainted with 17th-century French political theory and you take your coffee black. We all know the only people pretentious enough to actively seek out this vibe are Ravenclaws. They choose this shape because they think it makes them look like John Lennon, who they respect not for his music but for being “an intellectual.” However, no matter how clever they think they look, they will never wear their round sunglasses inside. Nothing irritates a Ravenclaw more than a person who wears sunglasses inside.
Hufflepuff: Heart-shaped sunglasses
Nothing can ever be basic with you, can it, Hufflepuffs? Hufflepuffs choose this quirky shape because it fits their quirky personality … and because the hearts are just so cute they couldn’t resist! People with heart-shaped glasses show the world they are approachable and friendly and only slightly crazy. Hufflepuffs wear them with pride.
Clearly, eyewear is the most accurate way of sorting people into houses. Next time you go out with your friends, take a look at their sunglasses to determine whether or not they truly belong in the houses they say they do.