In honor of the Big Game, we at the Clog have decided to investigate the most famous Stanford University and UC Berkeley couple: Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez from “High School Musical.” We can’t help but wonder where Troy and Gabriella are 13 (!!) years after they decided on their respective universities. This puts them at 31 years old. For context, that’s the same age as A$AP Rocky. Let’s begin by looking at the facts we were left with in “High School Musical 3: Senior Year.” Gabriella got accepted to the fictional freshman honors program at Stanford, which required her to complicate the plot by confusingly beginning at Stanford early. She announces at graduation that she will be doing prelaw, despite her science and computer skills. Troy chose to go to UC Berkeley to pursue basketball and theater, and most importantly, be close to Gabriella — yikes. 

We’ve decided to tackle this topic by reaching out to UC Berkeley students and asking them where they think Troy and Gabriella might be now. The people have spoken, and there are many theories floating around the UC Berkeley campus regarding this hot-button issue. While these theories all vary greatly, there is one thing the people of UC Berkeley agree on, Troy and Gabriella are without a doubt broken up. There’s no way they last. We guess romance is dead.

For Troy, the consensus seems to be that he sold out and ditched theater. One UC Berkeley student, Ben Croft, remarked, “He’s probably in a ditch somewhere still mourning his rejection from Haas and every theater club on campus.” Other theories weren’t as harsh. Freshman Hank Hertz thinks Troy is living his best life as an investment banker on Wall Street, and senior Anna Head conjectures that he’s high up in sales at a semi-obsolete tech company. Unfortunately, the people have spoken, and all signs point to Troy giving up his dreams of being a basketball-playing thespian. Maybe he partakes in community theater and overenthusiastically coaches a youth basketball team? Wherever he is, we can only hope that he still utilizes song and dance to make all his major life decisions. 

Gabriella, on the other hand, had much more diverse and positive career paths. Probably because she didn’t choose her education based on her significant other. Croft imagines that Gabriella is finishing up her residency to become a successful OB-GYN in a trendy city, such as Austin or Portland, but before embarking on her medical journey, she took some time off to travel. Hertz thinks Gabriella works at a Montessori school or a co-op. Other theories include that Gabriella is a super hands-on mom, who volunteers in her children’s science classes. Seems like people really forgot that she was prelaw, but that makes sense because everything in the plot of the “High School Musical” franchise made her seem like a STEM girl through and through. 

Despite what people think, we at the Clog like to imagine that Troy and Gabriella made a pact to meet up at that fateful ski resort when the clock strikes midnight into 2020 — no matter what. Of course, that’s just a dream, but maybe they’ll meet up at the 2019 Big Game? 

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.