The man, the myth, the legend: Saint Patrick — making our St. Patty’s day dreams come true since circa 385 A.C. See how we threw out that date like it’s no big deal? Well, that could be you at your St. Patty’s day celebratory function of choice if you keep reading. We here at the Clog have scoured the worldwide web for the most intriguing and obscure facts and fictional legends about St. Patrick’s Day that will more than suffice for a cool party trick this weekend.

St. Patrick’s Day takes place annually on March 17 as a religious celebration: the feast day of Catholic, St. Patrick.

Starting with the basics here.

“Saint Patrick” was born in Roman Britain — so technically speaking, he was not Irish.

If St. Patrick can get away with that, you can get away with wearing your “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” shirt when you are in fact (big surprise here) not Irish.

Saint Patrick’s birth name was Maewyn.

Frankly, just not as catchy.

Blue, not green, was the color traditionally associated with St. Patrick.

Tell that to the next know-it-all who pinches you for your lack of green outerwear.

Irish families would traditionally celebrate the feast day by attending church in the morning and feasting on Irish bacon and cabbage in the afternoon.

Yummy. A St. Fratty’s … whoops, we mean St. Patty’s Day meal of champions.

As legend goes, St. Patrick explained the Holy Trinity of Catholicism using the metaphor of a shamrock.

St. Patrick was a visual learner. We dig.

The Saint Patrick’s Day Parade in New York City is the world’s oldest civic parade and the largest in the United States.

Thanksgiving Day Parade who?

There is still a raging dispute about who crafted the idea of dying a river green to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Historians from Chicago claim their idea to dye the city’s river green was original while Mr. Wooley of Savannah, Georgia claims the idea was stolen from him.

Finders keepers, Wooley.

Until 1970, Irish laws mandated all pubs be closed March 17.

But then they thought about all the potential tourism profits that could be generated and threw prohibition right out the window. You don’t hear us complaining, do you?

Another legend claims that Saint Patrick banished all of the snakes from the island.

Get those snakes outta there, Patty. That’s what we’re tryna do.

Congratulations, you have officially been schooled. You’re now ready to go out into the world and practice the art of the perfect humblebrag, St. Patrick’s Day edition. But most importantly, have a little fun for old St. Patty and maybe even wear blue this year to spice things up.