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Why Kevin Jonas is a god walking among us mere mortals

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MARCH 12, 2019

Disclaimer: this is not a pity letter of love to Kevin Jonas. It’s honestly plain offensive you would even assume that. UC Berkeley is both famous and infamous for its out-of-the-box, quirky, against the grain, rebellious thinking, so here’s ours: Kevin Jonas is the best Jonas brother. To all of you Nick and Joe lovers, maybe you’re just buying into societal norms — ever ponder that? Let us lay out the evidence once and for all for you skeptics out there as to why Kevin reigns supreme, and if you don’t love him by the end of this article, then we give you the right to kick him out of the band. Actually, we take that back, we can’t risk that. Too much is at stake here.

Kevin is a man of mystery


What instrument does Kevin play? Does he actually even sing? Maybe he writes the Jonas Brothers’ songs? We don’t know and odds are neither do you. But honestly, it adds to his aura. Let’s face it, everyone loves a mysterious man.

Kevin would buy you flowers. Kevin wouldn’t break your heart.


If he seems like a good guy, that’s because he is. He posts adoring pictures of his wife and children on the ‘gram and if you didn’t know that you clearly don’t follow him and are therefore the worst. But joke’s on you, because you’re missing out on great content (including the occasional gym selfie).

Kevin’s style in one word: perfect  


This is just a cold hard fact. Joe has the claim on emo-punk style vibes, a niche at best. And well, bad news for you, Nick: it’s not socially acceptable to wear only your Calvins in public. So that leaves us with Kevin and his stylish money moves.

Kevin is a man of the people


Except that he’s actually NOT. He is greater and more majestic than any mere mortal. Even in the cringiest of times he’s still perfect. Will he live forever? We hope so.

Kevin is easy on the eyes


Fine, we’ll say it. He really knows his best angles. Ask yourself this, skeptics: how many people do you know that can get away with sideburns for as long as he did?

In short, Kevin is perfect and it’s time us mere mortals started recognizing the god walking amongst us. Now that you’ve seen the light, go forth, Bears, and spread the news that Kevin is and always has been the best Jonas in all of the land.

Contact McKenna Hathaway at [email protected].

MARCH 13, 2019