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How to reverse the effects of Berkeley goggles while you're home for break

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DECEMBER 30, 2018

You know ’em, you love ’em, we’ve all got ’em — they’re none other than Berkeley goggles! Yes, you heard us right — Berkeley goggles. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept that plagues us all, they’re essentially the UC Berkeley equivalent of beer goggles (and are only exacerbated by consuming actual beer). According to Urban Dictionary, the world’s most reputable source for defining words to keep up with the kids (and the Kardashians), the Berkeley goggles effect, or thinking someone is more attractive than they really are, “is a cause of the UC Berkeley bubble, where a lesser amount of typically attractive people exist,” a statistic that we at the Clog are unfortunately unable to dispute.

So, what happens when we all head home for the holidays (assuming that Berkeley isn’t home, which we know for some of you it is — if this is the case, stop reading), you might ask? How do we rid ourselves of our Berkeley goggles once we leave the land where the average level of attractiveness is a three on a scale from 1-10? The new year is approaching, cuffing season is ablaze, and we surely don’t want to let “the one” slip through our grasp (or our eyes, for that matter). Well, lucky for you, we here at the Clog are Berkeley goggle-fighting experts ourselves, and we’ve got a whole bunch of tips primed for sharing to ensure that your eyesight and attractiveness meter are neutralized and back to working properly while you’re out of the Berkeley bubble for the next few weeks. So, without further ado, here’s how to reverse the effects of your Berkeley goggles while you’re home for break!

Get your eyes checked

Many of us Berkeley students wear literal Berkeley goggles of our own, but sometimes our current prescriptions simply don’t do it for us anymore. If you’re sensing that something may be off with your vision or perception of how attractive the passers-by are while you’re home for the holidays, head to your local optometrist and make sure that you can, in fact, see properly. You can thank us later.

Hang out with your high school friends

As long as you’re not from Berkeley, your high school friends don’t all go to UC Berkeley and you still have friends from high school, chances are they have a much better sense of what makes another person attractive. So, in order to cleanse your palate and have some sense talked back into you while you’re on break, spend as much time with your fellow peers from high school in order to have those eyeballs (and feelings) of yours reset.

Take a quick trip to LA

If you really want to reverse the effects of Berkeley goggles, might we suggest a trip to Los Angeles, the land of celebrities, Instagram models and Hollywood wannabes alike? Check out a tour of one of the big studio lots or just walk into a store on Melrose — either should do the trick. If you can’t make it down to La La Land, simply watching the movie “La La Land,” starring Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, instead, should also be of aid to your Berkeley goggles.

Watch an episode of “The Bachelor”

If there’s anything that will help you reset your standards for what constitutes an attractive mate, it’s surely “The Bachelor” franchise. Hear us out: “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette” and not to mention “Bachelor in Paradise” have everything — hot, glowing, in-the-best-shape-of-their-lives single people with perfect bone structure who are totally there for the right reasons and ready to settle down, get married and start a family RIGHT NOW. Bonus: The newest season of “The Bachelor” premieres Jan. 7, so your Berkeley goggles will be dissipating in no time.

Look at pictures of yourself before you went to UC Berkeley

That’s right! Remember how attractive you were in your pre-UC Berkeley years, eye bag-less, noncoffee-stained teeth and all? We’re going to go out on a limb here and say it’s not that less attractive people go to UC Berkeley but that UC Berkeley is literally sucking the attractiveness out of us all. So, be sure to check out what you looked like before you entered this hellhole and bask in all of your beauty. It will surely be missed.

We hope these tips have helped. If side effects of Berkeley goggles persist, go anywhere but the Tang Center.

Chloe Lelchuk is the blog editor. Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].

DECEMBER 31, 2018