UC Berkeley students are known for being bright, innovative and persistent in the face of adversity. This dead week has proven to be no exception. Although the libraries are jampacked from dawn until dusk with no open seat to be found, some creative students have found a solution: studying in the trees.
Over the course of the week, there has been a new phenomenon of students scaling the many different trees on campus to find a nice, relaxing study spot in the branches. This has been driven by intense overcrowding in popular libraries such as Main Stacks and Moffitt Library, where students will save seats for hours on end. In past years, a common solution was to camp out on the floor until spots became available or to post up in other random outdoor places. But this year, students such as junior Joe Hearst have taken up this new approach.
“Climbing 10 feet up a tree to get a comfortable spot is honestly easier than trying to cop a seat in Moffitt,” Hearst said. “I got tired of wasting my time or having to fight super aggro people for a chair, and with the trees, there’s never really any competition for spots. Unless you count the squirrels.”
Other students have pointed out other benefits of taking to the trees to study.
“It’s a lot nicer to breathe fresh air and take in natural light when you’re studying,” said campus freshman Jane Gardner. “And surprisingly, AirBears2 is actually better up there. This is my first dead week here, and I’m honestly going to spend the rest of them studying in trees.”
But despite the advantages granted by finding a perch, there are also some drawbacks.
“I’d say the biggest problem is that there are no outlets,” Hearst said. “And the squirrels will steal your food sometimes.”
In response to the new phenomenon, the campus administration has issued a statement advising students to use caution when finding places to study, without addressing the systemic overcrowding issues that lead students to engage in such reckless behavior in the first place.
“We know finding a place to study is difficult, so we encourage students who think they might have trouble finding a spot to just stay home,” the statement written by Chancellor Oski Chirks read. “We truly care about the well-being of our students, but those who choose to ascend trees because there’s nowhere else to study assume their own risks.”
This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.