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Interview with genius who got 1 point above the midterm average

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APRIL 10, 2018

It’s no secret that UC Berkeley is hard. We’ve all been victims of grading curves. Well, all of us except for Smar Tass. Smar Tass is the one student we all publicly hate but secretly admire and aspire to be. Having scored one point above the midterm average, Smar Tass gave the Clog the inside scoop on what it’s like to be such an intellectual.

Clog: So, what has receiving that score been like?

Smar Tass: Well, I always knew I was smart, but this just put it in perspective. Getting a whole point above everyone else really just asserts my intellectual dominance. My GSI even gave me a smile when they handed my exam back.

C: Wow, that’s amazing. How did you prepare?

ST: I didn’t sleep for two full weeks to study. 15 days and 11 hours, to be exact. I basically lived on the fourth floor of Moffitt. One librarian even asked me if I was high because my eyes were so red, but I just assured them that it was my tears. To stay awake, I mixed seven Red Bulls with yerba mate and boba.

C: That’s pretty intense. What would you compare the feeling of getting your score on that exam to?

ST: It was indescribable, really. After being at UC Berkeley for two years now, I just assumed that I would always do badly, regardless of how hard I tried. It was completely unexpected. So the closest thing I can think of it feeling like would be finding money in your pocket.

C: We bet! How do you think this will affect your future?

ST: Well, it won’t really change my GPA, so I still have a 2.5. But I think adding this triumph to my resume would help me get into Haas and declare a double major of EECS. Should be manageable enough. I could probably even get into Yale Law too. Who knows?

C: Sounds like that extra point has really changed your life for the better. Thanks so much for talking with us and good luck with your future 15 consecutive all-nighters.

Contact Evelyn Roth at [email protected].

APRIL 10, 2018