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Reasons why Halloween sucks as an adult

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OCTOBER 31, 2017

It’s that time of the year again: Halloween. Just as you were beginning to actually enjoy the heat of summer, BAM! October 31st comes rolling around the corner, slapping you in the face. You’re no longer a kid anymore, and Halloween just isn’t what it used to be. For all you Halloween haters, this one’s for you. Here are all the reasons why Halloween sucks as an adult.

Costumes are expensive … and cringe-worthy

OK, let’s be real, costumes are no more expensive than they were 10 years ago, but to be completely honest, anything’s expensive these days when it’s not being bought by your parents. Instead, people are looking in their closets the night before and start getting real creative: “Brown shirt … brown pants … slutty potato? Perfect.”

Candy is the enemy

Eating a whole bag of Sour Patch Kids was fine when you were 10, but now it’ll just do you dirty. Really dirty. For the love of corn syrup and citric acid, just drop the bag and avoid the stomach ache while you still can.

Trick-or-treating ended a long time ago

“Trick or treat!” Nope. “Give me candy.” Still nope. No one gives you candy with three magic words anymore. In fact, that ended a long time ago. Now, you’re the one expected to hand out the free stuff. You can try and avoid it all you want, but you won’t stop getting knocks at the door ’til you cave.

Obligations ruin your plans

Going out? You wish. Because Halloween falls on a weekday, and you’re expected to be up bright and smiling the next morning for school, it’s more than likely that you’ll be sitting in bed watching “Halloweentown” and binging on candy corn.

The morning after

Even when we shouldn’t go out though, some of us still do (if you don’t fall into the category above). The difference is we used to get euphoric sugar highs after Halloween. Now, we just get hangovers drag on for days.

Pumpkin carving’s a pain

Where do we start? Pumpkins are expensive (for a college student’s budget at least), carving takes so much effort and the stringy pumpkin guts that get stuck in your fingers are actually revolting. You’re better off just buying a pumpkin and attacking it with a pack of stickers.

Our biggest fears already haunt us

Knock knock. Who’s there? Finals. Shit.

Up next: the holidays

Once Halloween’s over, we can’t help but anticipate what’s to come, but the holidays are just a whole other handful of occasions that we’re so much more exciting as a kid. Where did our innocence go?

Adulthood sucks — we get it. But don’t let it get the best of you this Halloween. As they say, “age is but a number,” so why not get out there and channel your inner kid this season.

Contact Camryn Frederickson at [email protected].

OCTOBER 31, 2017