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Power ranking of the worst possible trick-or-treat candies

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OCTOBER 31, 2017

Halloween is almost upon us, which means it’s time for pumpkin bread, parties and questionable costumes. But before Halloween meant getting drunk to the “Ghostbusters” theme song or dancing the night away to “Thriller” with friends at a party, it meant trick-or-treating. Most of us will nostalgically remember the days we’d dress up and run around the neighborhood, asking strangers for candy. Candy was one of the best parts of the holiday, but there were always a few bad pieces in our bags. We here at the Clog have decided to rank the worst Halloween candies that we’d always throw out at the end of our trick-or-treating sprees.

  1. Tootsie rolls

These don’t deserve to be considered chocolate — they’re just sticky and gross. Getting them off the roofs of our mouths is annoying and definitely not worth the boring flavor we’re getting.

  1. Pretzel packs

Not a candy — just kind of disappointing and weird to be giving out on Halloween. Like, were these people against sugar? The bat and pumpkin shapes were fun, but they were always a definite let-down after a house that gives you a handful of Kit Kats.

  1. Banana Laffy Taffy

Just … why? There isn’t much that tastes worse than fake banana flavor. Laffy Taffy itself isn’t horrible if you don’t mind getting the taffy stuck in every nook and cranny in your mouth, but the banana ones are on another level of bad. They taste like one of those fruit-scented erasers would if you made them into candy, so we’ll have to pass on these.

  1. Almond Joys

We haven’t met a single person that actually likes Almond Joys. We can’t even remember the last time we bothered eating one actually. They usually immediately went into the pile of unwanted candy at the end of the night. Sorry for never giving you a chance, Almond Joys, but we aren’t going to start now.

  1. Hot Tamales

One word: NASTY. We can’t even eat one without wanting to spit it back out. They have none of the cinnamon-y flavor that we all love in snickerdoodle cookies. They’re not even spicy or hot — they’re just annoying. Their sibling candy, Mike and Ike, is just so much better. Chewy candy should just avoid cinnamon altogether and stick to fruit flavors!

  1. Black licorice

The king of all horrible candies: black licorice! The intense flavor of anise is just too much for anyone and should really be illegal. Not to mention, the smell on someone’s breath after they’ve eaten a piece of this candy is the absolute worst. You don’t want to be the person walking around with licorice breath. According to the FDA, it turns out licorice is bad for your health too! It didn’t seem possible but these gross little candies just got a lot worse. 

There you have it, a list of candies that definitely gave you a fright back when you trick-or-treated. The Clog wishes you all a very happy Halloween, and we hope that none of you come across these awful candies during the holiday! Unless you like them of course — but in that case we seriously question your taste in sweets.

Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].

OCTOBER 31, 2017