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What your coffee order says about you

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FEBRUARY 28, 2017

Coffee may be the only beverage college students like more than alcohol. Here at UC Berkeley, where sleep deprivation is the norm and all-nighters are a common occurrence, coffee is even more valuable. We all need that sweet, sweet caffeine — but how you choose to get this neccesity says a lot about you. Drink up, Bears.

Latte (plain)

Not quite tough enough for straight black coffee, the latte-drinker feigns sophistication. Too self-conscious to order what you really want (a caramel macchiato), you put on a front so your fellow coffee-drinkers will think higher of you. Appearances are everything, and if that means you have to drink a slightly bitter drink to impress, so be it. Probable major: Haas or pre-Haas.

Flavored coffee

You’re a sweetheart. Straight coffee can be too bitter and the world too harsh sometimes. It’s okay to want to ignore it all sometimes, just not all of the time. If you can keep it real sometimes, that just makes the romanticized moments even sweeter. Dream on. Probable major: English.

Latte (iced)

You fear nothing. Even in the depths of winter, you won’t be caught dead with a hot drink. You can be a little hotheaded sometimes — hence the iced drink to keep you cool. You’re intense, excitable and can’t seem to sit still. To you, staying sharp is key. Iced lattes provide a jolt from the caffeine and the temperature and are easy to slurp down as you run between classes, activities and study sessions. The cold never bothered you anyway. Probable major: political science.

Black coffee

All business, all the time. You’re training yourself for a lifetime in an office and a lifetime of sleep deprivation. There’s no time for fun for you — it’s just work, work, work, work, work, work. Probable major: EECS.

Cold brew

Hipster alert! Regular coffee is too cliched for your refined palate. The only thing you love more than a new trend is being the first to discover a new trend. Cold brew is complicated, time-consuming and slightly inane, but worth the effort — like you. Bonus points if you make it at home in a Mason jar. Probable major: environmental science.

Tea/no coffee

You are one relaxed, well-rested individual.Really, do even go here? Eschewing the high caffeine content of coffee for tea, or worse, something with no caffeine, you float through life on 8 hours of sleep every night. You’re probably not here to bust your ass in class, or study all that much. Probable major: media studies.

Midterms may have you down, but there’s nothing a good coffee can’t fix. The next time you’re at Peet’s Coffee & Tea, order with care.

Contact Jamie Campbell at [email protected].

FEBRUARY 28, 2017