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Hug me brotha

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JANUARY 20, 2017

Goldfish deaths, the end of Macbeth, long-awaited reunion, the United States Constitution — whether it be in mourning or celebration, we can all use a hug sometimes. Luckily for us, this upcoming Tuesday is National Hugging Day and the perfect excuse to squeeze everyone within arm’s reach. We at the Clog have some tips, tricks and advice on how to make the most of this clearly sensible and not at all frivolous holiday.

Hugging is truly the unsung hero of displays of affection. It makes a celebration even sweeter and times of sorrow slightly less sufferable. While we’re sure there’s some science or psychological reasoning as to why being cradled is so comforting, the moral of the story is that hugs equate to happiness. So save your dopamine and serotonin analysis report for another day and just hug it out.

Not only are hugs instant mood boosters, but they’re also innocent and inclusive ways to spread the love. From grandmothers to lovers and your friends in between, hugging provides the perfect solution to a classic Goldilocks paradox when dealing with the masses in your life. Where kissing may be too romantic and handshakes too formal, hugging is just right. You get the level of intimacy of smelling their shampoo without running the risk of contracting herpes.

While every situation can be improved by hugging, that’s not to say that everyone needs to be hugged. As fun as it would be to blindly clutch strangers to your bosom, it’s best to practice some self-restraint when celebrating National Hugging Day. An example of someone you shouldn’t hug would be Cal Dining workers that you don’t personally know. We don’t care how much you love the tater tots that they graciously bestow upon you. Physically attacking workers in Crossroads would be wildly inappropriate for brunch. The omelet chefs will undoubtedly be the most challenging temptation in this case. Their wicked talents are definitely cradle-worthy, but you wouldn’t disturb an artist in their studio, would you? We also advise that you avoid hugging attractive strangers on the street. Unless you have the game of Steph Curry and the confidence of Barney Stinson, this is a high-risk maneuver that could easily be misconstrued as harassment instead of a romantic gesture.

The key to any good hug is a meaningful embrace with solid physical contact and genuine emotion. Entering that personal bubble with purpose and confidence will allow you to execute a hug worth someone’s time. Being met with a lackluster chest tap and weak arm wrap around is only acceptable in the first round of MMA fighting for severely sedated octopi. An unsatisfying hug is about as fun as walking around with a wet sock. If we sought to be disgustingly greeted, we’d just let you hit us in the face with aforementioned sock, because both acts display an equal level of consideration as a friend. Save that lean and shoulder pat combo for the next time you’re preparing raw chicken. Hug like you mean it.

Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].

JANUARY 20, 2017