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End of the semester bucketlist

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NOVEMBER 30, 2016

As the semester is drawing to a close, the bucket list you made months ago when a 4.0 still seemed possible and a new workout regime seemed easy is still collecting dust next to forgotten bids and dreams underneath your bed. So, we at the Clog decided to come up with a newer, better bucket list that’s more suited to this point in the semester.

Climb on the construction at Wheeler

This is a timely choice of activity because it needs to be done before they finish renovating the building. We suggest climbing as high as you can on the scaffolding. If you fall, you might even get free tuition. You might also die, but this is a small possibility. While you’re climbing Wheeler, make sure to hide your bike on the roof so that no one can steal it anymore. Although, at this point, the chances someone steals your bike off of the roof are higher than the chance of you dying.

Steal Stanford’s Axe 

Although this should be on your bucket list for every fall semester, it seems more important than ever after our recent loss to the useless trees. After you steal the Axe from Stanford, make sure to cut down a tree, bring it over to Cal and plant it right in the middle of Memorial Stadium. Then, polish the Axe four times a day and hide it deep within the Campanile where it shall remain safe forever, or until a pledge from Stanford steals it back.

Sneak into the abandoned building at Clark Kerr

It’s common knowledge that Clark Kerr used to be a school for blind children, leaving some buildings creepily abandoned in the transition from school to residence hall. The Clog recommends sneaking into these abandoned buildings now, while they’re still not renovated. While you’re in there, you could set up an undercover printing operation for every student that lives in Clark Kerr. The amount of money you could potentially make from this would have everyone questioning why you have so many single dollar bills, but it would still be well worth the awkward conversations.

Sacrifice a tree in the name of Pacific Cookie Company 

To properly honor our fellow fallen solider, we at the Clog recommend burning Stanford’s mascot to help begin the grieving process. The tree will serve as the sacrifice, and for the best results, you should burn this tree right on top of the Big C. Once you reach the bargaining stage in your grief, we suggest incessantly emailing Pacific Cookie Company offering your hand in marriage in exchange for them staying on Telegraph Avenue.

Skinny dip in Strawberry Creek

This is another timely matter on this bucket list because with the recent election results, you never know when President-elect Donald Trump will decide to take away rivers. So throw away your clothes and hopes of getting an A on each of your finals, and toss yourself into the creek. By swimming fast, we have no doubt you can go from Dwinelle Hall to VLSB in under a minute.

Between now and dead week, there’s still plenty of time to get all of this done. Although chances are, if you haven’t already completed your original bucket list, you probably won’t complete this one. There’s always next semester, though.

Contact Emilia Malachowski at [email protected].

NOVEMBER 29, 2016