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Far away bae, best friend in the Bay

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MAY 11, 2016

We all have that one friend we haven’t seen ever since they started going out with so-in-so. New relationships can be rough on friendships, but not all young love leaves friends in the dust. We in long-distance relationships at the Daily Clog have decided that we’d like to make a case for ourselves as some of the best friends you’ve ever had. So here are four reasons to appreciate your friend who’s dating someone long distance.

Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.

Your texts and messages and emails and snaps and calls will all be answered at any time of day and any time of night. And even if you don’t get that hollaback within 10 minutes, it’s only because we’re showering. Or we’ve received them by accident and hope you haven’t seen the timestamp yet. Either way, we can guarantee that, however urgent or however meaningless, every thought you share will be read. We are connected to every form of social media that exists for people like us, so even if your text wasn’t exactly the one we were waiting for, we are trained to communicate from afar effortlessly. In a life-or-death situation, we are your No. 2 speed dial and No. 1 emergency contact.

Friendliness without neediness.

Because our bae isn’t around to hang, our free time is all yours. Those dinner dates at Joshu-Ya and memories at the Greek Theater we would’ve had with our SO we now have with you. You can bet we’ll be down for almost anything too, because even though we can’t wait to be reunited with our long-distance lovers, we aren’t about to waste the time we have before then. We’ll be free to accept your invites and we’ll send you some too. But to be honest, we’re used to spending time alone at this point, and it’s okay if we can’t have your attention. We’ll hit you up next time, only minimally butthurt. And if you ever need a plus one, we’ve got your back.

No more drama for this mama.

Everyone loves that friend whose trail of snaps seem to continuously reveal a last night’s melodramatically scandalous rendezvous. But to be honest, constantly hearing about questionably exaggerated hookups can be a drag. Everyone loves that friend who listens to their own escapades more. It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten our hands dirty in the nitty-gritty nightlife of Piedmont Avenue and Channing Way. We don’t have anecdotes of an unexpected crush on Tinder Tim. We’re more than happy to listen to all the juiciest gossip and drama because chances are we weren’t a part of it. Just because we’re in a relationship doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy listening to a nice audio of 50 shades of bae, so you’re welcome to vent it all to us anytime. Please. Tell us everything.

Third-wheeling with no mixed feelings.

Dinner at Gypsy’s getting predictable after a few years under your belt? Or perhaps you’re afraid of one-on-one attention and eye-contact this early into it? Call 1-800-us-now. We are the best third-wheel you could ever find. We’re there for that entertainment or ice-breaker you long for, because we love joining in on the good fun and chit chat. We bask in the attention and work our audience, because having a little love never hurt. But when the time comes, we’re also completely comfortable retiring to our fries and staring at the Smart Alec’s carefully positioned flat screens while your attention is on each other. Watching you be cute with your SO doesn’t make us want to upchuck yesterday’s Urban Turban because, quite frankly, we know our airport PDA is much worse.

Only a week left until summer fun. Roll on you Bears.

Contact Raeline Valbuena at [email protected].

MAY 10, 2016