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How to get a date

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MARCH 18, 2016

Spring is fast approaching, and with it comes opportunities for picnics in the park, romantic hikes, beach days over break and cute photoshoots with all the blossoming flowers. Just one problem: What if you don’t have anyone to share these things with? We at the Clog understand your struggle and know that sometimes “just tell them how you feel!” isn’t the best approach. Luckily, we know some of the best strategies to help you get a date.

If you met them at work:

  • Go to their place of work weekly and leave really good tips. Eventually they’ll fall in love with you and ask you out. This method works best when applied to waiters.
  • Go to their place of work. Pass out. They’ll bring you to Tang and hold your hand in the waiting room. It’s how all great romances start!
  • If you want to be really bold and make the first move, buy something at their place of work. Write your number instead of your signature when signing for your credit card. Add a heart to really drive home the point. Be warned, though, your purchase probably won’t go through without your signature. This means your future partner will have to track you down to get your signature, so it’s a good thing you left your number.
  • If they’re at your place of work, never serve them directly, only hover in the background and smile at them mysteriously every so often. They’ll be overwhelmed with curiosity and have no choice but to track you down.

If you met them on social media:

  • Friend/follow them on all forms of social media after talking to them on Tinder. Like everything they post and get your close friends to do the same. They’ll have no choice but to fall for you after seeing how many likes you’ve gotten them.
  • Slide into their DMs and compliment them. Soon you’ll be getting ready to compliment them in person at Caffe Strada.
  • Retweet every tweet they post. They’ll be so overwhelmed with gratitude that they’ll ask you out so they can meet this person who so appreciates them.
  • Email them. The fact that you found their email will let them know you’re interested, and soon, they’ll follow up with a brunch invite.

If you met them in class/through an extracurricular:

  • Make it seem like you’re the smartest person in class. Then, they’ll ask you to join their study group and you’ll have an in.
  • Offer to help them with a project or other activity that they’re doing by themselves. Once you get some one-on-one time, you can bust out your sick flirting moves.
  • Sit diagonally in front of them so they have to look at you when they’re looking at the board, but they can still get a view of your beautiful face. Every so often, drop a pencil or pen behind you so you have to make eye contact with them to get it. Wink. It’ll work like a charm.
  • Table with them. Once you’ve survived Sproul together, there’s no way they won’t like you.

If you met them in passing or through a friend:

  • Conveniently run into them repeatedly throughout campus. While this will require minor to major stalking, it’ll be worth it when they finally ask you out.
  • Ask your friend to casually drop your name in conversation with them. Constantly. Bonus points if your friend can somehow incorporate your phone number.
  • Ready to make the first move but don’t have any contact info? Put out “Lost” signs all over campus with their name and/or picture on them and your contact info.
Contact Taylor Follett at [email protected].

MARCH 18, 2016