Yelp reviews are partially valuable for deciding where to eat, but mostly valuable for entertainment purposes. At the Clog, one of our favorite hobbies might or might not be reading these reviews and finding the funniest ones. And, of course, we obviously love writing, so we crafted a found poem. What’s a found poem, you ask? It’s a collection of words and phrases from other sources that are combined to create a new piece. So enjoy our take on this wonderful form of art (we tried to turn it in for our R1A class, but it was rejected).

Transformed

I am Hearty.

But I dabbled in the dark side, gluttony is so tempting.

I had to roll when my ankle bracelet went off.

Parking was atrocious.

My feelings are completely changed.

I want to like this place, I usually have a pleasant experience.

I’ll be back as circumstances dictate, drunk or sober.

Vodka slice. Not fresh.

Questionable, maybe a week old.

*Full bar*

I appreciate not having to make a decision.

Fresh … delicious.

This is what a pizza party in heaven would look like.

Corn pizza with pasilla pepper, onion, mozzarella and Valbreso feta cheese, garlic olive oil, lime, and cilantro.

Now, I am Terrific. 

 

Can you guess which restaurant reviews from Yelp contained the artistic pieces of prose that we drew from for the poem? The full quotes are below!

Quotes: 

“My friend got the Pad Thai (I am Terrific) and I got the Deep Dish Pizza (I am Hearty)” – Cafe Gratitude

“The gluttony is so tempting, but mind you, shall you stay on the straight and narrow, their salads are so good and so big! I however dabbled in the dark side.” – Eureka!

“I had to roll when my ankle bracelet went off. Lmao.” – Sliver Pizzeria

“Fresh, delicate, delicious…what else can one say?  Parking was atrocious but it’s a big city” – Joshu-ya Brasserie

“Some restaurants get the belly filled, some supply a great hang out venue, but very few restaurants can dig so deep as to completely change a person’s feelings entirely” – Cheese Board Pizza

“I really want to like this place” – Grégoire

“I usually have a pleasant experience” – Pieology

“Great college-town pizza. Generously sized and topped slices, and little more. I’ll be back as circumstances dictate.” – Artichoke Basille’s Pizza

“it is great drunk or sober” – Top Dog

“There were very special pizza options; the famous artichoke pizza and the vodka slice were the ones we laid eyes on.” – Artichoke Basille’s Pizza

“That means that this pizza is a week old and it is true because when I bought a slice I held it from the tip of the crust it stood up like a plank. That is not fresh. Stay away guys. Stay away.” – Artichoke Basille’s Pizza

“The service was also kind of questionable… the guy who served me pizza was a little rude when he noticed that I missed a dollar while I was counting my change, and glared at me very suspiciously though it was obvious that it was an accident.” – Artichoke Basille’s Pizza

“My vote goes to Sliver, because it’s closer to campus, they have a *full bar* (even though it’s a bit small), and their hours are reasonable unlike Cheeseboard.” – Sliver Pizzeria

“as I appreciate not having to make a decision when ordering” – Sliver Pizzeria

“This is what a pizza party in heaven would look like! That you Cheese Board owners for creating this incredible institution of joy and fun.” – Cheese Board Pizza

“The pizza of the day was the corn pizza with pasilla pepper, onion, mozzarella and Valbreso feta cheese, garlic olive oil, lime, and cilantro. It’s hands-down one of the best pizzas I’ve ever had.” – Cheese Board Pizza