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50 Shades of Great Tunes: '50 Shades! The Musical' soundtrack available on iTunes

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The cast of 50 Shades! The Musical.


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AUGUST 20, 2013

Do you sometimes feel there’s a hole inside of you?

Do you wish sometimes there was something big to fill it?

Well, there is. It’s call “50 Shades! The Musical.”

The show, a parody of the bestselling mom’s guide to masturbating “50 Shades of Grey,” came to San Francisco a few weeks ago. I saw it. I loved it. My “inner goddess” did more than “the meringue with some salsa moves.” She had a fucking heart attack. However, like a melting Christian Grey-flavored popsicle or weird gimp sex in a bazillionaire’s sex dungeon, all good things must come to an end.

So, even if the show’s tour has moved beyond San Francisco, you can still experience the magic with the musical’s soundtrack — now available for download on iTunes. With 12 tracks, the album is a skilled and clever mix of penetrative ballads, classic Broadway homages, spunk funk and cherry-popping pop.

Here are my top 5 favorite lyrics from “50 Shades! The Musical” soundtrack:

1. “There’s a hole inside of me/A hole in the plot/A dark, empty space/But, who could fill my slot?” — “There’s a Hole Inside of Me”

2. “Sexy ladies in New York City, I’m gonna power-fuck your titties/If you’re livin’ in Carolina, I’m gonna get in your vagina/All y’all honeys down in Texas, I’m gonna jizz on your solar plexus” — “I Don’t Make Love”

3. “How much can you take?/How much can you handle?/Clamps upon your nipples?/Hot wax with a burning candle?” — “Red Room”

4. We’re just like any other couple/He loves the girl I am inside/ He tells me that I’m beautiful/ When I’m hand-cuffed and hog-tied” — “Any Other Couple”

5. “I’m gonna fuck you with a double-headed dildo until one of us dies” — “50 Shades”



Contact Jessica Pena at 


AUGUST 21, 2013