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The triple threat

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OCTOBER 15, 2012

Me: “Oh my goodness, you and your girlfriend are so cute.”

Couple: “Wow, thanks.”

Me: “Yeah, you really are an attractive couple. I would love to fuck with the two of you sometime.”

This is an interaction I often have when I’m out and usually drunk. Since I’m not trying to steal anybody’s partner, I figure I might as well be honest about my intentions. I hit on couples more often than singles because threesomes are among my favorite things in life. Unfortunately, my blatant requests usually get denied — or go unanswered with nervous chuckles.  In my defense, it’s harder to convince two people to have sex with you than just one.

Having sex with more than one person in one sitting is part of the unknown, and individuals are unsure if they are sexy enough to live up to the expectations that people have about threesomes.  Here is some practical information that will hopefully demystify threesomes for those who feel sexually adventurous but slightly apprehensive about the experience.

First, don’t let expectations psyche you out. Threesomes aren’t radically different from twosomes. It’s having sex and doing what you usually do with just one more person involved. It is not so much about sexual prowess as it is about being comfortable with experiencing and sharing your sexuality. If you enjoy having sex and wish to broaden your horizons, just go for it, if you get the chance, and don’t read too much into it.

Threesomes are often not as emotionally complicated as twosomes. They’re intimate but not as personal as having sex with just one person. Showing love to two people at once doesn’t leave me with enough cognitive resources to feel attached to either person. I don’t intend for my threesome to be a romantic experience. It’s more about having fun than making love. Having a threesome can be more of a physical than emotional experience, so don’t be anxious about how you’ll feel.

One of my favorite parts of threesomes is breakfast. I think it’s good etiquette for the couple to treat their guest to breakfast for spicing up their sex life. Even if it doesn’t involve a couple, the threesome should spend time chatting and reviewing their night over breakfast. Take the time to appreciate and thank one another for being open to the experience.

Communication of boundaries is necessary when having a threesome. Everyone needs to be clear on what each person is willing to do and not do. Voice any concerns, and only engage in intercourse if you are comfortable. It’s possible to have a threesome without going through every permutation of hookups. What matters most is making all three individuals feel desirable, respected and involved throughout the experience.

The final and most important factor to consider is protection. If there are men involved, bring condoms. Switching condoms at every turn may not be part of the fantasy, but it’s not okay to penetrate two different people with the same condom. Female condoms are advisable and much less inconvenient because they will protect your vagina from the inside and from multiple people.

Some might feel pressured about having to please two people and not just one. You’re not expected to be working it by yourself the whole time. Threesomes are a team effort, and all three participants should be active. Remember that everyone probably has the same concern, so each of you should be supportive and show that you aren’t judgmental in order to create an environment where everyone feels safe and accepted.

If at some point you find yourself being a spectator, don’t feel self-conscious. It doesn’t mean you are any less attractive than the people next to you. You were asked to be in that space because you are wanted. Take the chance to watch two people share their most personal experiences with you. The times when I sat out, I really enjoyed watching two individuals be intimate. Having a spectator and seeing live sex is part of the fun.

There is always a chance that the threesome will be awkward, just as there are awkward moments during one-on-one sessions. At the beginning of my first menage-a-trois, all the threesome virgins in the room were nervous and definitely not sober. We had a nice chat about whether everyone was down to hook up with each other, and all it took was for someone to kiss somebody to get the hormones and the sex rolling. We had a couple awkward moments when the guy didn’t seem very eager to get down with me because he kept looking to his girlfriend. But I had a perfectly good time playing with the Miss.

So the next time some cute stranger suggests you have a threesome, down a bit of tequila and get on with it. New experiences, especially sexual ones, are scary. But going in with an open mind, you’ll find that having two people to play with feels pretty nice. As long as you have confidence and respect, you are perfectly capable of having sex with as many people as you dare.

Contact Nadia Cho at [email protected] and follow her on Twitter @nadiiacho.

APRIL 17, 2015