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The (second) first time

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SEPTEMBER 11, 2012

I was nervous, drunk and extremely self-conscious. For a minute we just stared at each other, and I couldn’t believe adorable skater girl was actually in my room. And then we collided and started making out and shoving and stripping. She knew exactly what to do and exactly what I wanted.  After years of having sex with men and questioning, realizing and attempting to embrace my bisexuality, this first sexual encounter with a woman finally fulfilled my lifelong suspicions of being a vagina-tarian.

This past Labor Day weekend marked the one-year anniversary of that first time I had sex with a woman. It was a memorable experience not only because was it my first girl encounter but because it was also my first one-night stand, my first booty call and my first morning after. I experienced all of the above at once and came out a happy camper.

It was absolutely nerve-wracking to feel like a virgin again after years of destroying lives in the bedroom. I fearfully took a few shots of tequila in advance of the encounter and dialed the girl’s number. I was tripping balls the entire time, especially because she was an acquaintance whom I had had a crush on for some time.

This homegirl was a champ with experience way over my years. She had so much swag, I wanted to fuck her from the moment I was introduced to her. But of course I was intimidated. I didn’t know what to do since I had no idea what good or bad lesbian sex was actually like.

But she was awesome.

She showed me the fun things girls can do to each other and led me into the right positions. She understood that it was my first time and didn’t make me feel like a complete newb.

The learning curve disappears pretty quickly if you have your own vagina. I was familiar with the locations and functions of the female anatomy and could refer to what felt good to me when figuring out what to do to her. Since that night, I constantly crave vagina in my mouth and … other things. In the morning, we talked, played and laughed some more.

This encounter was the dictionary definition of a booty called the one-night stand. But as I watched her skate away down my street in the morning, I realized that the notion of being used for sex by a woman didn’t bother me as much as it would have if she were a man. Intimate experiences with women do nothing but increase my confidence.

I found that it takes much less trust for me to engage in sex with a woman because the agonizing possibility of getting pregnant is no longer there. Sex with a woman is just as intense, action-packed and satisfying to me as having sex with a man.

Despite having this experience under my belt, getting with women is still very tricky for me. I become extremely unnerved by women whom I am attracted to, which makes me unsure of what to do. I’m slowly getting accustomed to the ways of getting women to talk to me, like me, find me interesting and spend time with me. It doesn’t help that I’ve been socialized all my life to act in ways that would only attract men.

Having sex with anyone of any gender is special and significant. There’s a reason it took me a long time to actually engage in sex with a woman even after years of being sure I was bisexual. I had to become comfortable enough with myself to expand my sexual boundaries and go forward. It took countless years of trials and mishaps in female interactions to make myself comfortable around women and make women comfortable around me.

But sex is about attraction, not orientation. I was always attracted to women, but because I only had experience being with men, sometimes I was made to feel as though this attraction was not valid. When I began identifying as bisexual, I had to prove my orientation or live up to it, mostly by having sex.

The bottom line is don’t let labels invalidate or deny your sexuality or keep you from exploring your attractions.

I am proud that my first girl-lay-one-night-stand-booty-call-and-morning-after went smoothly. Thanks to that beautiful and cool person, I gained the confidence necessary to pursue more experiences with women. I feel empowered whenever I think back to it because she helped me embrace my sexuality. I will always remember my adorable queer skater babe from Labor Day weekend until the day I die.

Contact Nadia Cho at [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @nadiiacho.

APRIL 17, 2015