daily californian logo


Apply to The Daily Californian by September 8th!

Thoughts on "relationship sex"

article image


We're an independent student-run newspaper, and need your support to maintain our coverage.

OCTOBER 26, 2011

Alright, I’m sure that many of you that have read some of my previous stuff have decided that I’m a heartless, immoral, unethical, irresponsible, slutty nympho. Or something along those lines. However, there is more to me than those 400-word snippets you read semi-regularly.

A couple of weeks ago, I joined a friend of mine and her fellow club officers at a local eatery, and one them claimed that sex with someone you have actual feelings for is much better than the feeling-less kind. Though at the time I did more or less agree and made a mental note to eventually discuss this here, I’ve recently thought a lot about this topic.

I think that there is definitely something to be said for the so-called “relationship sex.” Maybe not every “couple” in the world that is having sex experiences it, and maybe some pairs that aren’t in a “relationship” get to. But I do think that it’s more common to the said “couples.” And what do I mean by “relationship sex”? I mean the chemistry that almost makes your head spin when you’re even just making out. The world around you doesn’t matter in that moment, only the other person’s flesh and energy.

I’m still not quite sure what it is that makes it that much better. Maybe it’s because when you’re there, naked, together, doing whatever you’re doing, you know you’re actually special to the person with you? Maybe it’s because you know each other outside and inside the bedroom? Maybe it’s because the post-sex cuddling actually means something? I’m not quite sure. I’m just theorizing here.

I’ve been trying to put my finger on this in the last few weeks, mainly by analyzing a variety of experiences — both mine and my friends’. One of my friends is notorious for not being capable of hooking up with a guy she doesn’t have any sort of (romantic) feelings for, and has somewhat talked herself into believing that she and her current fuck buddy are at least a bit more than that. Maybe it’s that extra spark she’s chasing and which explains her current situation. Even sex with a friend that is more or less identical (in terms of positions and overall technique) to what I used to do with an ex-boyfriend isn’t as dizzying.

With that said, I’m by no means saying that all other kinds of physical encounters are wrong — definitely not changing my mind on that. I just thought that there is something to be said for relationship sex, so I shared a few thoughts on it with you. But who knows, my next one-night stand may be the greatest sex of my life. We’ll see.

Contact Kia Kokalitcheva at 


OCTOBER 27, 2011